Timeout reflections

Baby, I know we're now facing a crisis. The correct thing that we did is that we highlighted that tehre is an immenient crisis. Now is the tiem we reflect and think through what's wrong and probably find solutions.
Firstly, I realised that there's fewer heart-to-heart talk between us; lesser communication. Why? Could it be because we think we know each other too well? Or is there less trust between us? truth to be told, I don't know you well. Not that i don't know you at all, but there are still a lot of things we have to learn from each other. Trust has been a very big topic in our relationship. I trust you, without a doubt. We shouldn't just talk about our daily happenings but bring it up to a higher level, talking about how we feel, emotional talks, confessions. We used to be able to confide in each other, like best friends. But what has happened to that. I know I'm not much of a vocal person. So i really need you to prompt me, to start the ball rolling. I'm also doing my part to voice out more, but more often than not, you end up disagreeing with what i said; ending up being angry and upset. It sucks to see you being upset, thus, there is a tendency for me to keep things to myself so as not to make you upset. I really need you to understand how i feel sometimes. Sympathsize me, listen to me and refute me less.
Moreover, I realised i often get angry with you whenever you talk about your friends as pointed out by you. Upon reflecting, I've come out with these reasons. I am jealous of the time taht your friend can spend with you. Compared to the 5 days a week, i only get barely 2 days with you. Moreover, your friends are often able to company you to concerts, parties and whatever things that occus on weekdays while i'm not able to. This kind of make me dislike your friends as they are like "stealing" you from me by being able to spend so much time with you. I know it's selfish of me to say so but that's how I feel. Furthermore, I don't really understand your friends. It's not that you have to introduce every single friend of your to me, but I just want to know your friends more. Isn't it always to have more friends than enemies? A suggestion would be that you introduce your friends to me. It's just a suggestion, nothing else. Also, to tell you the truth, I do not have many friends from my past. I do not maintain contacts with my secondary friends, my primary school friends. I do not cherish friends, i do not know the importance of friendship. Hence, I don't know how important friends are to you. I really need to learn that. I'm very sorry about it.
Why are we gradually going to the phase of "taking each othe for granted" as mentioned by you. is it because of complacency? that we think that our relationship is a formidable fortress. Or is it just sheer disillusion on our part? I don't want to take you for granted. I really love you with all my might and wish this won't end anytime soon. I know that we still have that love for each other, so let's try to make this work. I really pray for the best for both of us.
You asked me to think about what i want from you and what to expect from this relationship. I've come up with a list. I want your understanding, to lend me a listening ear when there;s a need to. To be able to put up with my boring talks, rantings, complains as well as to my displeasure. I don't want you to be angry with me whenever i say anything negative with regards to you. Listen and refute if you want but don't get angry so easily.
I want no secrets in this relationship. As much as possible, we should open up to each other, confide with one another, talk to each other. This would help to prevent any misunderstandings, and disagreements between us; helps to clear the air.
I want to learn to be independent, to be less insecure, to learn the importance of friendship. You have to give me time to learn all these. I'm really trying my very best to learn all these and hopefully everything turn out to e for the better. I admit that i need to acquire all these basic traits before i can be a better person, before any issues can be solved.
Lastly, I want you to be happy. Happy that you're able to be my the other half in this relationship, happy to be able to be with me. If you're happy, i'll be happy and there'll be happiness i this relatinship. This would probably lead to a more lasting relationship.I sincerely hope and pray that this would be able to last as long as it can. There are bound to have hiccups in relationship. We need to learn to compromise and understand each other weakness. To give in when there's a need to.
This is mostly what I've reflected. I know that this post is not perfect as there could be other problems that I've not highlighted. Enlighten me baby as we go on; I really need your advice and your guidance along the way. I admit taht i'm immature, imperfect and sometimes stupid. I need you to explain things to me and remind me to look at the bigger picture. You're more mature than i am, thus, i need your guidance.
I love you. This is not just 3 simple words that randomly come out from my mouth (or rather it's more apt to say from my typing). I need you now more than ever as we're going through this phase of confusion, of finding out the ultimate truth. I know that there's still hope for us. We just need to know how to finetune our problems and straighten things out. I hope this timeout would be fruitful, would be able to help us settle any outstanding issues we have. Hope we'd be able to meet this sunday to talk things out. I'm intending to go for a swim this sunday since we missed it last week. then we could sit down and talk things out. I miss you terribly, need to hear from you. Love you syafeeqah, as always. <3

OBSERVATIONS.

It's been so damn long since I last posted. Like more than half a year. Wonder if you still visit this blog or even remember it's existence.
Decided to post something cos I've got nothing better to do.
You've been very busy for the past few weeks. Busy with camp, with rag, with costumes.
We haven't been spending much time together. Weekdays I've got army, your weekends don't seem to have a lot of free time. I'm not blaming you, just stating out what I'd observed.
Something else i observed is that you're using your phone more and more often. Evem when you're with me, you're using your phone. To reply messages, to go on facebook. Why is it that you must reply your friend like instantly and that you've to check on your facebook so often. This did not happen last time, but why is it now? Is it because your friends are more important that it makes the importance of spending whatever little time we are left with together insignificant. I really don't understand.
I'm not angry or whatever, but i just want to understand your rationale.
I really want to spend more time with you, trying to plan so that I can fit into your busy schedule.
I know it's unfair for you to spend your weekends with me, (cos you've got your parents to pacify) so why not make our meetings more meaningful?
I've been craving to eat ice cream for a long time but haven't really went to eat. Really hope we can go and get some nice, delicious ice cream real soon.
Swimming, flying kite, picnic are some of the things we haven't done in a very long time.
Baby, I don't wish to say this but you seem to have a better time with your friends than when you're with me.
Why is that so? Or is it even true? Are your friends more important than me?
Please give me an answer, though I guess I won't since you don't seem to visit this blog anymore.
I love you as much as before and am trying my very best to accomodate with you. I'm not complaining but it's give and take in relationship. We must learn how to give in with each other.
I don't want to quarrel with you. I seriously don't like it. So lets fight less and love each other more.
I remember the times when we were in JC, We were so happy, confiding with each other like best freinds. Why don't we do the same now, telling each other how we feel.
I feel that there seems to be a wall, a barrier between us since you entered Uni. Why is there an imaginary gap between us? There shouldn't be any in the first place.
Also, you seemed to change upon entering Uni. Like you became more vulgar, starting to discriminate some of my actions, using your phone more often and stuff like that.
I really need answers. Please give me something, answers or whatever. I don't want to live with all these doubts in my head. I need you to enlighten me.
I love you as always, baby. I hope you still love me as much.
As the name suggest, You're the BESTESTEST I EVER HAVE and it still holds TRUE up till now.
Keep the love going baby. I miss you so much even as I'm writing this post. You're the light of my life. Please have a good rest and dream of me while you're sleeping.
There will be more tough times, more attachments ahead. But lets face it together, and try to spend more time with each other.
Smile more baby, you've not been smiling much when you're with me.
Reply my questions if you still visit this blog. I'm waiting for your answers.
Love you SYA!!!