Baby, I know we're now facing a crisis. The correct thing that we did is that we highlighted that tehre is an immenient crisis. Now is the tiem we reflect and think through what's wrong and probably find solutions.
Firstly, I realised that there's fewer heart-to-heart talk between us; lesser communication. Why? Could it be because we think we know each other too well? Or is there less trust between us? truth to be told, I don't know you well. Not that i don't know you at all, but there are still a lot of things we have to learn from each other. Trust has been a very big topic in our relationship. I trust you, without a doubt. We shouldn't just talk about our daily happenings but bring it up to a higher level, talking about how we feel, emotional talks, confessions. We used to be able to confide in each other, like best friends. But what has happened to that. I know I'm not much of a vocal person. So i really need you to prompt me, to start the ball rolling. I'm also doing my part to voice out more, but more often than not, you end up disagreeing with what i said; ending up being angry and upset. It sucks to see you being upset, thus, there is a tendency for me to keep things to myself so as not to make you upset. I really need you to understand how i feel sometimes. Sympathsize me, listen to me and refute me less.
Moreover, I realised i often get angry with you whenever you talk about your friends as pointed out by you. Upon reflecting, I've come out with these reasons. I am jealous of the time taht your friend can spend with you. Compared to the 5 days a week, i only get barely 2 days with you. Moreover, your friends are often able to company you to concerts, parties and whatever things that occus on weekdays while i'm not able to. This kind of make me dislike your friends as they are like "stealing" you from me by being able to spend so much time with you. I know it's selfish of me to say so but that's how I feel. Furthermore, I don't really understand your friends. It's not that you have to introduce every single friend of your to me, but I just want to know your friends more. Isn't it always to have more friends than enemies? A suggestion would be that you introduce your friends to me. It's just a suggestion, nothing else. Also, to tell you the truth, I do not have many friends from my past. I do not maintain contacts with my secondary friends, my primary school friends. I do not cherish friends, i do not know the importance of friendship. Hence, I don't know how important friends are to you. I really need to learn that. I'm very sorry about it.
Why are we gradually going to the phase of "taking each othe for granted" as mentioned by you. is it because of complacency? that we think that our relationship is a formidable fortress. Or is it just sheer disillusion on our part? I don't want to take you for granted. I really love you with all my might and wish this won't end anytime soon. I know that we still have that love for each other, so let's try to make this work. I really pray for the best for both of us.
You asked me to think about what i want from you and what to expect from this relationship. I've come up with a list. I want your understanding, to lend me a listening ear when there;s a need to. To be able to put up with my boring talks, rantings, complains as well as to my displeasure. I don't want you to be angry with me whenever i say anything negative with regards to you. Listen and refute if you want but don't get angry so easily.
I want no secrets in this relationship. As much as possible, we should open up to each other, confide with one another, talk to each other. This would help to prevent any misunderstandings, and disagreements between us; helps to clear the air.
I want to learn to be independent, to be less insecure, to learn the importance of friendship. You have to give me time to learn all these. I'm really trying my very best to learn all these and hopefully everything turn out to e for the better. I admit that i need to acquire all these basic traits before i can be a better person, before any issues can be solved.
Lastly, I want you to be happy. Happy that you're able to be my the other half in this relationship, happy to be able to be with me. If you're happy, i'll be happy and there'll be happiness i this relatinship. This would probably lead to a more lasting relationship.I sincerely hope and pray that this would be able to last as long as it can. There are bound to have hiccups in relationship. We need to learn to compromise and understand each other weakness. To give in when there's a need to.
This is mostly what I've reflected. I know that this post is not perfect as there could be other problems that I've not highlighted. Enlighten me baby as we go on; I really need your advice and your guidance along the way. I admit taht i'm immature, imperfect and sometimes stupid. I need you to explain things to me and remind me to look at the bigger picture. You're more mature than i am, thus, i need your guidance.
I love you. This is not just 3 simple words that randomly come out from my mouth (or rather it's more apt to say from my typing). I need you now more than ever as we're going through this phase of confusion, of finding out the ultimate truth. I know that there's still hope for us. We just need to know how to finetune our problems and straighten things out. I hope this timeout would be fruitful, would be able to help us settle any outstanding issues we have. Hope we'd be able to meet this sunday to talk things out. I'm intending to go for a swim this sunday since we missed it last week. then we could sit down and talk things out. I miss you terribly, need to hear from you. Love you syafeeqah, as always. <3
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